11 Lucky Tips for Online Dating

If the Internet is better than sliced bread, meeting people
online is sliced bread with butter and marmalade (or
Nutella, if you prefer!). It’s convenient, time-saving,
levels the play field for introverts (actually it gives them
the edge), lets you avoid the bar scene, extends your reach,
and it works. I coach women looking for partners, I’ve used
Internet dating sites successfully myself, and I research
constantly to see which way the wind is blowing.

The wind is approaching hurricane force and it’s headed
right toward your part of the world. There are more men
looking online than women, as opposed to real life; there
are more people joining all the time as the word gets out;
and there are more people finding suitable partners through
this vehicle.

Here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Know what kind of relationship you’re looking for. Some
of the sites will give you a chance to specify, and all will
give you a chance to talk later, if not sooner, Most
feature the infamous “dating profile.” Since the Internet
offers plenty of avenues for porn, most people on the
legitimate dating sites are looking for relationships.
Specify. Long-term commitment, marriage a possibility,
companionship and maybe more, and “I don’t know” and “Let’s
see what happens,” are all legitimate responses.

2. Be honest. If you’re not, you’re wasting your own time
most of all, because you’ll be found out. You’re also
spreading bad karma. Supposedly over 50% of people online
lie about their age 5 years in either direction. If you
have a problem with your age, income, appearance, education,
etc., fix them, or fix your head. It’s relative, so focus
on what you consider your good points. You can count on the
fact that whatever you have to offer, someone is looking
for.

3. Avoid signs of desperation. The dream date, of course,
would come on like James Bond, cool, confident, suave and
sophisticated, with an air of mystery. Desperate people
move too fast, say too much, and ask for too little. A man
who’s “any” for all categories – age, income, ethnic
background, religion, children, etc. isn’t looking for a
partner, he’s looking for a warm body. Pace your
interactions – one or two emails a day, 10-15 min. IM
sessions. Keep yourself under control. “Spilling” isn’t
attractive. No need to write your life story the first
time. That’s a turnoff. Keep it light. Save something for
next time.

4. Let someone else deal with the walking wounded. If she
starts off talking about her traumatic past experiences, or
specifies things like “No addicts, no liars, no
wife-beaters, no bankruptcy, no adulterers, no borderlines,
no hate-mongers,” etc., she’s showing you she’s not ready to
date. I have compassion for these folks; so do you. Most
of them will be fine with time and maybe you were there
after your divorce or breakup. But I get paid to coach them
to a better place, whil you’re looking for a viable date
right now, and a person with that kind of baggage has no
business being in a relationship.

5. Be selective. A writer on one male advice website claims
his great profile got him 56 female respondents last month.
Men lie in the area of their prowess, but however may
responses you get, be selective. You don’t have to answer
them all. If they’re really interested in you AND NOT
DESPERATE, they’’ll wait. Don’t have so many going at one
time that you confuse the people, because you’ll confuse
yourself. If the person you’re corresponding with gets your
details mixed up, move on, unless you want to be just
another pretty email in the inbox.

6. Give careful consideration to the area of sexual talk.
Everyone recommends the other sex bring it up first. It
doesn’t matter as long as it’s done tastefully.

7. Who initiates? It doesn’t matter who “winks” or writes
first, suggests the phone call, or asks for the date,
because you’ll find your personality type and there’s a pot
for every lid. There are cultural variations as well. As a
general rule of a thumb, if you’re a woman over 30 who’s
looking for marriage, make the man do all the work,
including all overtures and plans. If, because of that, he
considers you “too high maintenance,” you have a clear
indication he wouldn’t make a good marriage partner.

8. Rely on your intuition. Use your emotional intelligence!
If it’s too good to be true, it is. One sign of an
ambivalent dater (which you do NOT want) is someone who
comes on too strong at the beginning. If something gives
you the creeps, get away. If for any reason you don’t feel
comfortable giving personal information like your home email
or street address, don’t do it. Better safe than sorry, and
there’s no need to rush.

9. Your profile matters. Get some professional help and
feedback from a friend or two. Read the profiles of people
of your same sex so you can see what the competition’s
doing.

10. Your photograph matters more. Any professional
photographer can help you out. It’s worth it. Nobody
looks like their photograph, but you don’t want to eliminate
people because you have such a bad one. And please, don’t
be so crude, guys, as to put a photograph on there of you
with your last honey. (Could I have made that up?)

11. Get a coach. Online relationships start in writing, and
it’s easy to share what’s going on. Send the email to your
coach and get a second opinion. You can get advice as to
what to say, how to proceed, what to look for, so you look
like a pro, not an amateur. It shortens the learning curve.

12. Do us all a favor and don’t ask “Why is SHE/HE looking
online?” You are, aren’t you? Maybe you live in a remote
location, or don’t have time to run around at night, or
prefer a slow introduction, or want to shop nationally.
There are some super neat people looking online including
me, my clients, my sister, my last boyfriend, and … you!
Have fun, and good luck!